I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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