Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
