Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
The Olympian is in my bed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
