I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
