my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
