Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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