I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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