I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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