these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
