he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
that's an acceptable place to lick
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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