we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
