Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
God, I missed his penis.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
