My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
