he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
