So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We're too hungover to prance.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
