he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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