She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
