remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
