Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So vagazzling was a success
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
