I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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