theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
