I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
