hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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