it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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