I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
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