if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
