They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
