I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Alive.
So much puke
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
