I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize