Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
