P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
