Cold hands, warm shart.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
