my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
