Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize