also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
