didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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