toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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