dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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