I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
