This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
