I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
