my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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