My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
