saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
