i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you made out with another girl for some wings
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
