saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
