New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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