I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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