so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
