I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize