go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
