We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
