What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
