The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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