It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
