every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
