Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You did what with his pubic hair?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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