i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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