btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
