the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
