We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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