I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize