she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
