The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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