Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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