my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
