it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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