she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
