She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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