have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
