How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
