READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
