it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
