You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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