Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
