We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
