She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
